Hello Old ...Friend?

 Wow.  I can't believe that it has been 11 years since I last messed around with this blog.  I also can't believe that 13 years later, I'm at the same job.  That has to be more nuts than anything.   I have seen so many people come and go that I have forgotten a lot of their names.  People will look at me crazy when they find out I'm at the same place.  I didn't know that job hopping was the thing to do.    Well you may ask what have I been up to besides that.  I eventually got and paid off my own car.   I really thought that that would open more doors for me career wise, but you know the whole 1 step forward 3 steps back came around with a vengeance and I was stagnant for several years.   Once again, my parent lost her job and I had to step up and help out again. Another step back.  Just as I was on the precipice of reinventing my life, 2020 came through like gangbusters and 10 steps back.  Covid 😷 has really effed up my barely made plans.  Well they weren't really plans as much as idea goals.  I had hoped that we would see some real progress this year  but it looks like it's going to be a repeat of last year.  I had really wanted to start traveling, but I don't feel comfortable  just hanging out and going about life as if this virus isn't still an issue.    There is so much that I missed out on in the years past either due to finances, lack of time, or lack of opportunity. It seems that  I just have to  live with that knowledge that I missed out on a good chunk of living.     One bright spot is  that I found my journal again and once again have an outlet. 

You dont know how it feels to be me......

I slept for 8hrs for the first time in over a year. Too bad it's due to the fact that last night I cried myself to sleep. I dont ever want to feel that way again.

I think i'm losing it

Today for some reason has not been a very good day. Actually it started yesterday but trickled over into early day. Its all this pent up restlessness. On top of that, this medication is not helping. In fact, I think the Adipex may be exacerbating my way of thinking. It's just like a cauldron just bubbling and boiling. Waiting to boil over. I've made an executive decision that I'll have to tell you guys about later, but long story short, it's time for some changes. I'm not getting any younger and time definitely isnt getting any slower. I'm going to blink one day and half of my life will have passed me by. At this poing of my life, i'm not really living life so much as I'm a passive participant. It feels like I'm a casual observer in my own reality. All I can do is hope for the best with my endeavors. It may not be big but there's still an ember of hope and possiblity flickering amongst the ashes. I'm just waiting for the winds of change to fan into a full blown flame.

*deuces*

Houston we have Lift off

After what seems like forever, I'm BACK!!! I'm finally able to blog from the comforts of a computer and not my mobile phone. I have to admit that I missed blogging. It's not like I got on here and did it often or that I even really talked about much when I did. I guess it kind of goes with the whole cliche' about not missing something until you dont have it.

I'm just glad to be back online and reconnected.

*deuces*

Tis the season for retrospect

Looking at the calendar l cant help but to realize that Christmas is officially a week away and with the following week the year will be kuput.  

lt has really gone at lightening speed. It feels like we were just wrapping up last year's celebrations and here we are on the cusp of another one. l tend to find myself melancholic during this time of year. As the end of the year approaches, lm swamped with feelings of unfullfillment.  Sometimes l wonder if lm cursed or did l just make decisions that were not beneficial to me.  l sometimes wonder what my life would have been like had l tried to make a go of Florida. What if my collegiate path had been different?  lt's a pity that you cant experience an "It's a Wonderful Life" moment in real life.  l guess thats the lousy part of "what if".  We'll never know. All we can do is keep moving forward and hoping that things change, get better, work out, etc.   l'll be glad when that day comes because l'll finally be able to exhale. l've been holding my breath for so long.

Happy Holidays and l hope to see you all in the new year.

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