7/27/10
You dont know how it feels to be me......
I slept for 8hrs for the first time in over a year. Too bad it's due to the fact that last night I cried myself to sleep. I dont ever want to feel that way again.
4/6/10
I think i'm losing it
Today for some reason has not been a very good day. Actually it started yesterday but trickled over into early day. Its all this pent up restlessness. On top of that, this medication is not helping. In fact, I think the Adipex may be exacerbating my way of thinking. It's just like a cauldron just bubbling and boiling. Waiting to boil over. I've made an executive decision that I'll have to tell you guys about later, but long story short, it's time for some changes. I'm not getting any younger and time definitely isnt getting any slower. I'm going to blink one day and half of my life will have passed me by. At this poing of my life, i'm not really living life so much as I'm a passive participant. It feels like I'm a casual observer in my own reality. All I can do is hope for the best with my endeavors. It may not be big but there's still an ember of hope and possiblity flickering amongst the ashes. I'm just waiting for the winds of change to fan into a full blown flame.
*deuces*
*deuces*
3/9/10
Houston we have Lift off
After what seems like forever, I'm BACK!!! I'm finally able to blog from the comforts of a computer and not my mobile phone. I have to admit that I missed blogging. It's not like I got on here and did it often or that I even really talked about much when I did. I guess it kind of goes with the whole cliche' about not missing something until you dont have it.
I'm just glad to be back online and reconnected.
*deuces*
I'm just glad to be back online and reconnected.
*deuces*
12/18/09
Tis the season for retrospect
Looking at the calendar l cant help but to realize that Christmas is officially a week away and with the following week the year will be kuput.
lt has really gone at lightening speed. It feels like we were just wrapping up last year's celebrations and here we are on the cusp of another one. l tend to find myself melancholic during this time of year. As the end of the year approaches, lm swamped with feelings of unfullfillment. Sometimes l wonder if lm cursed or did l just make decisions that were not beneficial to me. l sometimes wonder what my life would have been like had l tried to make a go of Florida. What if my collegiate path had been different? lt's a pity that you cant experience an "It's a Wonderful Life" moment in real life. l guess thats the lousy part of "what if". We'll never know. All we can do is keep moving forward and hoping that things change, get better, work out, etc. l'll be glad when that day comes because l'll finally be able to exhale. l've been holding my breath for so long.
Happy Holidays and l hope to see you all in the new year.
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lt has really gone at lightening speed. It feels like we were just wrapping up last year's celebrations and here we are on the cusp of another one. l tend to find myself melancholic during this time of year. As the end of the year approaches, lm swamped with feelings of unfullfillment. Sometimes l wonder if lm cursed or did l just make decisions that were not beneficial to me. l sometimes wonder what my life would have been like had l tried to make a go of Florida. What if my collegiate path had been different? lt's a pity that you cant experience an "It's a Wonderful Life" moment in real life. l guess thats the lousy part of "what if". We'll never know. All we can do is keep moving forward and hoping that things change, get better, work out, etc. l'll be glad when that day comes because l'll finally be able to exhale. l've been holding my breath for so long.
Happy Holidays and l hope to see you all in the new year.
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8/1/09
Sowing to reap the karmic retribution
I don't know who if anyone reads this blog, but it's not a big deal b/c I seriously need to vent.
If you were raised a Christian than you were always taught the fundamentals of "You reap what you sow" just as Buddhists believe in Karma. If if you are not familiar with either of these religions you've always heard the old adage " What goes around comes around." I've always been a strong believer in the whole " you reap what you sow" philosophy be it good or bad, but I had to wonder one day how does this REALLY work? I know we all do some bad things b/c nobody is perfect or all rainbows and light, but I believe that I do a lot of good in this world. Don't get me wrong, I don't go looking for pats on the back or for benefits for the things I do. Anything and everything I do is from the heart b/c that's the type of person I am. I don't know where I got that from b/c I don't believe my mom has a charitable bone in her body. I'm getting sidetracked. That's another topic for another day.
It just seems that when some people do bad things, they never " get it back" just as some people seem to live life like its golden from their good seed being sown. Personally, I'm tired of never seeing anything positive come my way. I sow friendship and charity, I reap mistreatment, underhandedness and hardship. I might be selfish but I would like to reap some of that good I've put out. I'd like for the positivity, love, charity, etc to come back around like it went around. I don't have a hard, tough or particulary bad life at all. It would just be nice to see something positive or happy come around every now and then.
*deuces*
If you were raised a Christian than you were always taught the fundamentals of "You reap what you sow" just as Buddhists believe in Karma. If if you are not familiar with either of these religions you've always heard the old adage " What goes around comes around." I've always been a strong believer in the whole " you reap what you sow" philosophy be it good or bad, but I had to wonder one day how does this REALLY work? I know we all do some bad things b/c nobody is perfect or all rainbows and light, but I believe that I do a lot of good in this world. Don't get me wrong, I don't go looking for pats on the back or for benefits for the things I do. Anything and everything I do is from the heart b/c that's the type of person I am. I don't know where I got that from b/c I don't believe my mom has a charitable bone in her body. I'm getting sidetracked. That's another topic for another day.
It just seems that when some people do bad things, they never " get it back" just as some people seem to live life like its golden from their good seed being sown. Personally, I'm tired of never seeing anything positive come my way. I sow friendship and charity, I reap mistreatment, underhandedness and hardship. I might be selfish but I would like to reap some of that good I've put out. I'd like for the positivity, love, charity, etc to come back around like it went around. I don't have a hard, tough or particulary bad life at all. It would just be nice to see something positive or happy come around every now and then.
*deuces*
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